October 15th, 2021
I’ve always been more comfortable socializing with women than with men. It’s nothing sexual; I just find that men tend to talk about boring stuff, like football games and techie crap. Women are much more open about talking about things that are important, things like personal difficulties, relationships, emotions, all that stuff. So I’ve had a number of friendships with women my age — all of us are Boomers, born during the 15 or 20 years after the end of World War II.
I have noticed some common experiences shared by many of my Boomer lady friends, so many that I think it worth pointing out. I therefore offer here my characterization of the life of the “Generic Boomer Lady”. This is not a reference to any particular lady; it is instead a pastiche of experiences that seem to have been often experienced by these women. Nobody experienced all these things, and nobody experienced none of them.
I’ll call this Generic Boomer Lady “Mary”, because that was a fairly common name back then and none of the women in my experience bear that name. Mary was brought up to be a “good girl”. From a young age she had heard “bad girls” spoken of in the most disparaging terms, and she was determined that she would never, ever be a “bad girl”. So Mary studied hard in school and got good grades. She didn’t much care about the subjects in school; she just wanted to get good grades.
Mary definitely wanted to go to college. In the first place, college was an excellent place to find good husbands. Also, Mary was bright and thought she should get an education. So off to college she went. There she studied hard, because again, she wanted to be a good girl and get good grades.
Sex frightened Mary. She was very curious about it, and she knew that it was desirable, but she had heard all the horror stories about girls who got pregnant. Remember, this was just about the time that The Pill was becoming available, and, well, good girls didn’t use The Pill because only sluts did that. But Mary also didn’t really know anything about sex. There were no sex education classes and her mother was her only source of information about sex. Her mother spent most of her time warning Mary about teenage boys who would get her pregnant and then disappear, leaving her a single mother — a shameful situation. Her mother didn’t tell her anything about the mechanics of sex and certainly never told her anything about the anatomy of boys. She advised Mary to let the man take the lead; he would know what to do. And although sex before marriage was dangerous and shameful, once a woman had gotten married, she had a duty to keep her husband sexually satisfied. Otherwise, he might have affairs and leave her.
Mary did in fact have several boyfriends before graduating, but none of them seemed right. They pressured her to have sex, but she resisted. However, just before graduating, she met a wonderful fellow who seemed perfect for her. They fell in love. Mary had been thinking of maybe going to graduate school, but her boyfriend Tom had gotten into grad school at a good college, so Mary set aside her plans and went with Tom to his graduate school. She got a job at an auto repair shop to help make ends meet, and the two of them were very happy together.
However, by the time that Tom got his degree, the relationship had soured. The pressures of graduate school had crushed the joy out of his life. He was always working and seldom had time for Mary. When they argued, he would always ignore her feelings and logically prove that she was wrong, and wrong to feel bad about being wrong. Tom started treating Mary like she was stupid. Mary got pregnant; they had agreed that a child would help heal their problems. But after giving birth to their son Chad, Mary demanded that they get married for Chad’s benefit. Tom refused and left Mary a single mother.
Mary realized that she would have to rely on her own resources. The women’s movement was starting to gather steam, and Mary realized that she had been foolish to subordinate herself to Tom. She resolved not to make that mistake again. But she still wanted to marry. She still believed in love and romance and the joy that two people could have. Sure enough, a few years later she met Sam, a warm and gentle soul who had none of Tom’s selfishness. After just six months, they got married. Sam was an excellent father to their son and Mary felt that at long last she had found her place in life.
But new problems arose. Mary was smart, and she had quickly risen in the automotive repair shop as it grew. She now ran the entire financial side of the business, supervising three other women, handling payroll and taxes. But she could see how little she was being paid relative to male employees. She tactfully asked for a raise on a number of occasion, but the boss always had an excuse for not giving her much of a raise.
Meanwhile, Sam was also unhappy in his job. A friend of Sam’s offered him a job in California, and they decided to move. Mary quickly found a job at a tiny company making electronic thingamabobs; once again she was handling all the finances as well as purchasing. The pay wasn’t great, but it was no worse than what the men got.
At first, everything went along swimmingly. Mary and Sam decided to have another child, and a year later Chad had a brand-new little sister, Tina. Mary’s job was interesting as the little electronics company grew, and Mary had to learn new skills to keep up with the company’s growth.
Once again, though, Mary realized that her pay was falling behind that of some of the men in the company. She rationalized it to herself, telling herself that these men were technical geniuses who were doing things she couldn’t imagine. But it rankled.
Then everything caved in: Sam announced that he was leaving Mary for another woman. He agreed to decent child support payments, but Chad and Tina were crushed to see their daddy leave. Mary was devastated; what was wrong with her, she wondered, that men would find her so unworthy?
Meanwhile, the electronics company had continued to grow and then was acquired by a big company. Most of the men, it turned out, had been given stock and became quite rich because of the acquisition, but Mary had never been offered any stock, so she didn’t enjoy a windfall. Worse, the new company decided that its own financial managers could take over Mary’s work, and she was laid off.
That was the low point in Mary’s life. The world that she had carefully built up over the years had come crashing down, and Mary was back to Square One. But she was older, wiser, and tougher than before. She used the layoff money from the big company to go back to school and get an MBA. She got a part-time job handling the payroll for another small electronics company. Mary was determined not to let the world crush her.
She got her MBA just as Chad graduated from high school. Fortunately, Chad got a small scholarship to go to college, so he was in good shape. Mary interviewed for jobs as a financial officer, and was careful not to accept the first offer that she got. She researched each company before interviewing and asked probing questions to determine whether the job they were offering was appropriate. She took the fourth offer, as Chief Financial Officer for another electronics company. She made certain to get a good package of stock options as part of her compensation.
Mary is now 66 years old. Chad and Tina have both graduated from college and both have good jobs and good spouses. Mary is done with men; occasionally a man makes overtures, but Mary always deftly turns him down. She owns her own home, a nice little place in a good neighborhood. Her children visit her every now and then, and her first grandchild is on the way.
Mary is happy.