I am frequently frustrated by the ham-handed attempts of people to explain things. They keep making the same mistake: thinking only in their own personal terms rather than trying to figure out what will make sense to their interlocutors. I ran across an exemplary case of this yesterday, which I’ll use to make the point here.
I had an appointment at a doctor’s office and the receptionist called me to confirm my intention to arrive on time. She also decided that I needed an explanation of how to get there; apparently she deals with a lot of doddering old fools who don’t know how to use a map. Here’s her explanation as I recall it:
“From 99, go on Barnett towards Asante. Go all the way past Asante and turn left on Murphy. Turn right on Siskyou Boulevard and then bear to the right. After that, you’ll see us on the left, so you turn left into the parking lot and go about 2/3 of the way down the parking lot to reach our suite.”
This all made perfect sense to her, because she was using this mental image as she explained the route: (I have marked the route in blue.)
All very neat, clean, and logical, right? Well, that’s true only if you already know the map references. I didn’t recognize the reference to ‘Asante’—I think of it as ‘the south hospital’—but I did know where Barnett Road is. So here’s the mental image I had as she explained the route:
As you can see, what I heard doesn’t have much in common with what she said. That’s because she was using a different mental context than I was using. Her explanation was a complete waste of our time.
There are four lessons for you in this:
Explanation isn’t a one-way street
Most people seem to think that an explanation is rather like sending a letter to somebody. You just spew out the facts, and it’s their responsibility to figure them out. WRONG! If you want somebody to get the message, you are responsible to make sure that they understand what they’re saying. Most arguments arise not from opposing points of view but from sloppily presented points of view.
Don’t assume that they know the context
The person you’re explaining to doesn’t know what you know—that’s the whole reason your explanation! Don’t assume anything about what they know. Yes, if you’re talking to a graduate student in physics you can mention Heisenberg’s constant offhand, but anybody else will need an explanation of that term.
Fill in the context for them
So if you’re talking to somebody about quantum mechanics and you mention Heisenberg’s constant, you have to take a few minutes to explain what Heiseberg’s constant is. Depending upon their education, you may have to explain some of the concepts underlying Heiseberg’s constant.
Make sure they get it
Few people are humble enough to say, “Gee, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Could you explain that again?” If you explain something to them and they are completely baffled by your explanation, they’ll nod their heads gravely, thank you for the explanation, and walk away shaking their heads. It’s your responsibility to stop frequently during the explanation and ask a question to make sure that they’re still following you. Once you’ve lost them, all further talk is a waste of time.