October 25th, 2021
I was going through an old archive and stumbled across a document containing nothing but insults. I recognize these as products of my evil imagination, but I don’t know when I concocted them. I suppose that I compiled them for use on some of the more barbaric Internet discussion boards, but I haven’t done this kind of thing in a long, long time. The document is in plain text, so it’s obviously old. Anyway, some of the material is funny even though it’s nasty.
If Homo Habilis had kindergartens for their kids, you'd have flunked out.
Shakespeare himself could not compose an insult expansive enough to handle your towering ignorance.
All of the obscenities of all the languages in the world would not suffice to address your idiocy.
You feckless, fumbling fool!
You coprophagous crawling cretin!
Your brain has fewer synapses than neurons.
You must have acetic acid instead of acetylcholine, cereal instead of serotonin, and
I figured it out: you must live in an area of high gravitation, and the blood can't make it all the way up to your brain.
Did you know that Neanderthals had bigger brains that you do?
All your Higgs bosons must be made of Dumb Matter
Are you missing a lobe or two?
Did Dr. Frankenstein's assistant Igor steal your brain?
If your brain were a computer, it'd be a Radio Shack TRS-80.
If your brain were a website, it'd be half a page long.
Even your smartphone thinks you're stupid.
I googled "stupid" and got 30 million hits with your name on them.
Heck, I've known transistors that are smarter than you.
A recent survey of electrons showed that 93% would rather work in a heater than carry your messages over the Internet. The other 7% are Goths.
You should donate your brain to the new Brain Mapping Project. It'll give them something easy to practice on.
If ignorance were measured in light-years, you'd be beyond the edge of the universe.
You'd better be careful, lest one of those smart Internet-connected house networks think you're a toilet and order you to flush.
All your neurons are belong to us.
It's not your fault that you're so stupid; you were just born with big synaptic clefts.
You're so paranoid, you think your cat is a communist because he says "Mao".
